Sab’s Story

Written by Sab Richardson

Would you ever imagine a reality TV show changing your life and leading to months of uncertainty?

That’s what happened to me. I was watching a programme called The Only Way is Essex on a random day at the beginning of May. The episode featured a lady called Amber Turner who had found a lump in her breast and documented going to the doctors to be checked over. After Amber was told that her lump was nothing to worry about, there was a scene with her friends where they were talking about the importance of feeling your boobs regularly and being checked if you find anything that feels different. Thinking nothing of this, that night in bed I checked both my boobs. To my shock, I thought I found something in my right boob. I was instantly taken a back and very scared, but I also wasn’t sure. I went backwards and forwards with myself for a couple of days, feeling what I thought was a lump, but trying to talk myself out of it at the same time. I was feeling so often that I caused quite a lot of pain, which led to further uncertainty, and made me feel for the lump in my breast more. The cycle continued. This continued until my anxiety decided that, like advised on telly, its better to check and be safe than sorry.

So, I booked an appointment with my doctor, who at that point confirmed my worst fear. That there was in fact something there that needed to be checked, and so, referred me to the hospital. I spoke to my family, but decided I needed to go to my appointment alone. After feeling the lump, the specialist decided I needed a biopsy, mammogram, and ultrasound. This instigated a lot of fear and anxiety because I was certain this was bad news. They didn’t just send anyone for all those extensive tests? Only if they’re sure that there is something wrong? So, I prepared for bad news. Within an hour of arriving home from the appointment, I received a call requesting that I returned for an MRI the next day. At this point, I was convinced it had to be cancer.

The next 5 weeks were tortuous. I was googling all my symptoms, convincing myself that not only was it going to be bad news, but that there was the potential it could spread and there would be no hope. I tried to keep positive and busy, but the prospect of a phone call at any time was daunting. As time went on, I tried to convince myself that ‘no news was good news’ and reassured myself that surely if something really bad was going on, they’d want me in quick to fix it. I eventually got the phone call, and an appointment was made for me to receive my results with my consultant.

I arrived at the hospital like a bag of nerves and was called through. My doctor told me that from the tests that they had conducted, they concluded that the lump found within my milk ducts was benign and nothing to worry about. The official diagnosis for this type of lump was called a papilloma. I think after hearing this news, I was so relieved that everything that followed didn’t really register. I was told that despite there being nothing to worry about, I needed to have an operation to remove the lump in three weeks’ time. I left the hospital with a spring in my step, calling my family telling them the good news. I was then contacted by the hospital a week later as there was a cancellation and was admitted for my major duct excision (Hadfields) surgery.

After my operation, I knew that I needed a follow up appointment which was just to discharge me from the service. I had no worries or fears entering into this appointment and was just excited for this chapter to be over. On the 22nd of July, I arrived in the hospital and was asked to wait in the waiting room. The wait seemed to be lasting longer and longer and with this my nerves increased. I was eventually called into the doctor’s office where I was also met by a McMillan nurse and my heart sank a bit. I was then given news that I had in no way been expecting. After testing the mass that was removed, they had in fact discovered that it was cancerous, and I was diagnosed with a papilloma with intermediate grade DCIS with a total of 23mm. However, they said that they had managed to remove the cancer from my milk duct and were confident that there was nothing left. My diagnosis meant that I had had cancer, unknowingly and now didn’t. It was a very strange time, and I didn’t know how to deal with the news. I was scared and shocked that I had lived with cancer. I was relieved I no longer had cancer. I was scared to trust the doctors who said I was now fine as they got the diagnosis wrong the first time. I was grateful that they had got the diagnosis wrong as I was given the privilege to live in ignorance without worry before my surgery. I was anxious that it would come back. I’m still anxious and scared that it could happen again.

From start to finish I have had the best care at Eastbourne hospital. They made a very difficult time just that bit easier and continue to offer me yearly checks for the next 5 years. Every single person that I’ve seen in all of the different departments of the NHS have been so wonderful.

I feel like my cancer story is different from other people’s because I don’t know if I can really say that ‘I lived with cancer’ because although I did, and I went through the worry of finding a lump, waiting for results, and receiving surgery, I wasn’t aware that I had cancer until it had gone. It’s been difficult to understand my feelings around this because I feel grateful and scared all at the same time. But I’m so glad I was watching that TV show, and that it inspired me to check because you never know and its important that we know our own boobs!